Vader's Dinner Party
by Sirtalksalot
Summary: Just a short funny story about that scene on cloud city from ESB.
1. Menu problems

Disclaimer: I don't own stuff that George Lucas does okay.

"I was hoping you'd like to join me for some refreshments." Lando said to Han and Leia. "Everyone's invited of course."

"Sure we'd love to." Leia said in a fake cheery voice. Han, Leia, and Chewbacca followed Lando through Cloud City's large scenic hallways. Lando brought them to a door which probably led to a large banquet hall, the smile on Lando's face faded away as he pressed the controls to open the door.

When the door was open Han saw a tall dark figure standing at the end of a long table. Han pulled his blaster from his side and fired several shots at the figure, but all of the shots were deflected when the person raised his hand. Han felt his blaster being pulled away from him.

"We'd be pleased if you would join us." Darth Vader said as the door closed behind Han.

"What do you want Vader?" Han said glaring at the Sith lord.

"Please have a seat so we can begin the meal." Vader said gesturing toward the chairs. "WAITER!" Vader yelled. A very perturbed Boba Fett emerged from a door to Vader's right, someone had painted his armor to look like a tuxedo and he wore a bow tie.

"Do I really have to do this?" Fett said in an irritated voice. He looked as if he were going to kill Vader.

"Yes you really have to do it." Said Vader.

"We could have had that C-3P0 droid do it but your storm troopers went and blew him up.

"Shut up and have Captain Needa bring our menus." Vader ordered Fett. Fett walked out of the room and brought in a very scared Captain Needa. "Where are the menus?" Vader demanded to Needa.

"My…my Lord there…wasn't enough time to make menus." Needa said cowering.

"What?" Vader yelled. Vader then proceeded to choke Needa with the force. Needa fell to the ground gasping for air. "You have failed me for the last time." Vader said as he finally crushed Needa's throat killing him.

"Well this is going to be fun." Han said sarcastically.

A/N: Hey I'm sure this type of fic has been done before but who cares mine is different anyway Read and Review please.


	2. Han I am your father

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or any of its characters. I also do not own the notebook.

"All right then I'll have the Happy Sith Meal." Said Vader after an hour of trying to decide what to eat.

"As you wish." Boba Fett said writing the order down on a piece of paper. "And what will you have?" Fett asked Cewbacca.

"Rawwghhh!" Chewbacca replied. Fett stared blankly at the creature.

"Is there something wrong with him?" Fett asked.

"He's a Wookie you idiot." Han said to the Bounty Waiter…Hunter. Fett took everyone's orders and took them to the back room where they would be cooked. Then Fett brought back everyone's drinks while they waited. Fett was a little mad at Vader so he spiked Vader's orange soda with Spice.

While they were waiting they could hear maniacal laughter coming from the kitchen and a bunch of electrical zapping. Vader was having a really tough time drinking his soda as every time he went to take a drink he spilt it all over himself. They didn't take in the fact that Vader would want to eat when they designed the mask.

"Grrr!" Vader grunted getting mad at the undrinkable soda and crushing the glass with the force.

"Ummm…..are we having some issues?" Leia asked.

"Um, no it's fine Fett fetch me a straw." Vader ordered Fett. After about ten minute they finally found a straw small enough to fit into Vader's breathing mask. The straw was one of those really tiny thin ones like you get at Star Bucks, but that annoys me so much when people drink out of those because they are not really for drinking but really for stirring your coffee….oh anyway back to the story.

"Ok who had the I'm a dirty Rebel scumbag platter?' Fett asked holding up a plate.

"Oh, that's mine." Han said grabbing the plate from Fett.

"Where's mine?" Vader asked.

"Oh it's coming hold om." Fett said. Admiral Piett walked out of the kitchen holding a plate.

"Here it is my Lord." Admiral Piett said holding out the plate.

"This is burnt." Vader said starring at the plate. "You have failed me for the last time." Vader said choking and killing another officer.

"Stop killing my restaurant staff!" Fett yelled at Vader. "He wasn't the one who cooked it the Emperor did and as usual he went a little overboard with the force lightning.

"What's wrong with him?" Leia asked Han, pointing to Vader as they were all eating their food. The spice Fett had spiked Vader's drink with had just kicked in and Vader decided that neither the silverware nor the feeding tube would suffice for eating. Instead the tipsy Vader was repeatedly slamming his head into the plate trying to suck in the food.

"I don't know what's wrong with him. It's a good thing he doesn't have children I'd love to see how they'd act at the table." Han said with a snicker.

"Hey….Hey Han come here I have to tell you something." Vader said while giggling like a school girl.

"What is it?" Han said walking over to Vader.

"Han…." The drunken Vader said. "I AM YOUR FATHER!"

"What…NO! It's not true. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Han screamed.

"Nah…I'm just pulling your leg. Go sit down." Vader said pushing Han toward his seat.

"You know what my favorite movie is…hmmm Chewie…it's the Note Book." Vader said as he started to laugh then he fainted into to his Happy Sith meal.

"Hey Vader wake up!" Fett yelled at the Darklord.

"What is going on here?" Vader demanded.

"I heard you like the Note Book Vader." Han said laughing.

"Wha…I don't like the Note Book I'm too evil…yes evil for that movie. Even after Vader's statement Han still laughed. "Fett, take him to the interrogation chamber torture him, but don't even bother to ask him any questions. Make sure he never tells anyone about me liking the Note Book." Vader ordered the Bounty Hunter.

The door to Chewbacca's cell opened and two white armored Storm troopers drabbed the recently tortured body of Han Solo in. "I feel terrible…" Han announced crashing to the floor. "They never even asked me any questions."

"Oh Han I knew yo shouldn't have made fun of the Note Book."

A/N" Bah…this was a short fic a really weird short fic. Anyway R&R.


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